SOAPZ

I spend alot of my time now reading through my archives. I miss my life, when I was so carefree to the point of being completely blithe, because ALevels seemed so far far far away.

I can't believe school has ended. I can't imagine being entirely on my own, to decide my own fate. I can't fathom that ALevels are a mere what? 3 weeks away?

I'm torn between wanting this to be over really quickly so that I can finally breathe, but at the same time I've so much studying to do to and any extra time could make a huge difference. Our conversations these days count private candidature, retaking, purposely failing etc as the topic of discussion.

I hate myself for letting my studies degenerate to such a state. I hate that I've become such a failure. I hate that I've become so stupid. And worst of all, I hate that I've no willpower and discipline to rectify it.

I'm scared.