Don't think, I tell myself.
Just do what makes you happy.
It's frightening to think that maybe all life has in store for you is a big fat screw up.
That you're just going to be one of those people, who'll constantly struggle, who'll wait and wait, who'll keep trying, who'll keep believing... but who will never quite break the surface. That in this lifetime, certain things will just not be meant for you to have. And you're just meant to watch by the sidelines.
You think that when certain things happen, there must be a reason. Some grander meaning to all this. Unforeseen forces guiding your way. Call it faith, fate, whatever you like. But what if there isn't?
What if things just happen because life can be shit.
And here you are, holding out for some higher meaning, some sign, some reason.
You let yourself be guided by how you feel, you tell yourself there must be more to it than this. There has to be some meaning behind these things happening. What if the answer is simply that you messed up? You followed your heart instead of your mind. And you were foolish to do so.
Hi Sophie! I am awake now (3:46am in Melbourne) and for some reason I came to your website to find this. I feel the same sometimes; I left all I had and the people I love, back in Colombia just to come to Melbourne "to make my dreams come true". And sometimes I wonder if it was right. Many times before I had the feeling of being the viewer in someone elses show but not my own leading role. And now, even when I am not sure if this is right, I think the lesson is clear: more facts, patience and work, than purely living of dreams, wander and insatisfaction. Lots of love! Keep doing what your heart tells you, but make it even with the smart and rational Sophie!
ReplyDeleteYou seem like a nice gal with a heart of gold.Chin up Sophie!
ReplyDelete